Rise of the PC Master Race!: Fuck laptops…

So you are a console gamer looking to get into the “quote unquote” next gen gaming scene! What do you do? Look for those sexy sleek gaming laptops! OH YEAH!!! Great deals! Look at all the awesome features! Light up keyboard? Great! No…no it is definitely not great. It’s a trap, all day every day. If you like limited space, get a laptop. If you like being stuck with a specialty, non-upgradable, GPU; a laptop is for you. This is the hell that I myself am currently burning in. My ability to game online much less keep up with current standards is circling the proverbial drain while my compatriots move one without a care. Tis for sooth i say. The time is fast approaching to dropkick this one note piece of hardware into the pit of “never buy one again.”

Thank the almighty flying spaghetti monster that I can retain friends that could possibly help build my sorry ass a new rig. One with shiny buttons and pretty lights as well as a baller set of chips and a boss GPU. Praise Vermin Supreme that there are sites like Newegg and Microcenter that pander to plebs like my sad self.

SOON, the time is nigh. Christmas, ever the commercial black hole, is cramming itself down our throats earlier than ever this year! Hail Beelz! Could you please bestow upon us a black friday sale the likes and magnitude of which that we have never seen before? Fill my dust bunny ridden pockets with dough!

Look… I’m not asking for much… Just a supercomputer. Ok? Thanks.

Mr. Chippy

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