The more you miss...the more you win

Missing is fun!

The one thing in the Rocket League world I hate the most is missing a shot. Like the rest of you noobs, I take losing personally. But missing a shot alone is on a whole other level. My asshole clenches like vice grips tossed in an industrial press. My eyes become blinded by sweat and my blood pressure turns my armpits blue. My balls spontaneously suck into my pelvis and raise my vocal pitch 3 octaves.

And yet…I can’t stop missing.

I’m only 350 hours into Rocket League. This means that no matter what my skill level I’m really still just a beginner struggling to do anything with a measure of consistency. Like any beginner I have no real concept of how to improve my game and as a noob I’m certainly not interested in your god damned opinion. I’m going to continue to whine, complain and suffer until that one fine day when I miss the toilet more.

A quick eyescan of the Reddits (/r/rocketleague) will show any mediocre player that they should quit while they are behind. It feels hopeless. While the bodily effects are extremely undesirable I’ll be content to miss knowing that somewhere down the line my pelvic spasms will lead me to victory. I mean…Redditors fake it until they make it. One day I might be able to fake it, too!

Rocket League Championship Series

Sorry to say….

Our team, the noobs, fell victim to sound statistics on Saturday the 30th. The morning wound up with a buy in the first round because the opposing team failed to produce enough teammates. The second round was played well but we lost 2 games to none, but was still a well played match. Round three in the losers bracket we were soundly beaten. Horribly beaten. BUT…and its a big one, we recovered from our loss and kept playing strong. Thank you to all who supported us and cheered us on!


p.s. due to technical issues none of the footage was recorded/may have been burned in a fire….your pick.


ALRIGHT!!! Its official! Pit of Noob has been cleared for entry into the all important tourney for Rocket League! For all you noob fans who cant get enough hot noob action we will be streaming the event as well as recording it as a exclusive! ZOMG so excited!!!

The match starts at 10 a.m. EST on April 30th and will be availible for live streaming here and the recording will be here on the site!

Root for Noobs #weneedsomuchluck




Forays into the unknown: First Twitch Broadcast

Well, the Noobs here from the pit made their first foray into internet media today and, against all advice, streamed on twitch for the first time! Rocket League was the game of choice and although no games were won, there was nothing but laughter and innuendo all around. MrChippy could be heard running his mouth in a quasi-directional way and ended up embarrassing himself (not really) and the snarky Brit C8sun could be heard jeering and snorting in derision.
So as far as the stream went, it went well. There was plenty of support both in and out of the game. The content however, was deplorable. MrChippy’s game was nowhere to be found….at all. Horrible. Terrible. Maybe smelly? Dunno. Couldn’t tell ya. Don’t worry BOUT IT. MrChippy doesn’t. Either looking forward to more good times. Thanks C8sun for the awesomeness and support!

Signing out.