The one thing in the Rocket League world I hate the most is missing a shot. Like the rest of you noobs, I take losing personally. But missing a shot alone is on a whole other level. My asshole clenches like vice grips tossed in an industrial press. My eyes become blinded by sweat and my blood pressure turns my armpits blue. My balls spontaneously suck into my pelvis and raise my vocal pitch 3 octaves.
And yet…I can’t stop missing.
I’m only 350 hours into Rocket League. This means that no matter what my skill level I’m really still just a beginner struggling to do anything with a measure of consistency. Like any beginner I have no real concept of how to improve my game and as a noob I’m certainly not interested in your god damned opinion. I’m going to continue to whine, complain and suffer until that one fine day when I miss the toilet more.
A quick eyescan of the Reddits (/r/rocketleague) will show any mediocre player that they should quit while they are behind. It feels hopeless. While the bodily effects are extremely undesirable I’ll be content to miss knowing that somewhere down the line my pelvic spasms will lead me to victory. I mean…Redditors fake it until they make it. One day I might be able to fake it, too!